JAZZ
The central character of the series, who is thirty-six years old. The nickname derives from his real name, Jim Jasmine. A cynic and a pessimist, he manages to find humour in most situations, although this, as might be expected, tends to be black. Despite this aspect of his nature, he has a certain charisma, and, surprisingly for a British Telecom customer relations supervisor, is a very likeable guy. He always has good intentions - though generally misguided - but his outlook on life seriously undermines everything he does. As a result, he does not fare well in situations of extreme stress, and, since, to him, life is one huge conglomeration of pressures, in effect  he does not cope well with anything.
        He has been married for three months and though he dearly loves his wife, Annette, his home life is hardly a bed of roses. His infuriating habit of fending off difficult situations with a series of wise-cracks is largely responsible. He is rarely practical. In theory, things should be improving between them because they have finally moved into their house - until that point, they have spent their entire married lives with Annette's divorced mother - but serious money pressures, the strange people in the town to which they have been forced to moved, the prospect of commuting, and various mishaps all combine to wipe out any beneficial effects this may have had.
        His reactions to these pressures are often bizarre, because he feels the necessity to do something in response, even when he cannot think of anything appropriate, and naturally this tends to only worsen his predicament. Although he cannot see this, when it come down to it, all his problems can be expressed in one word - himself. However, we will find ourselves sympathising with him.
        He speaks in an articulate fashion with a neutral accent.

ANNETTE
Jazz's long suffering wife. They have been together for some time, but married just three months. Like Jazz, she is well-educated. Although she is a little younger than him, she is, in reality, more mature and better suited to dealing with the ups and down of life. However, when it comes to discussing matters of importance with her husband, the sensible side of her nature rapidly evaporates. She is usually too quick to respond to Jazz's habitual diversionary tactics and throw-away lines with her own equally sharp sense of humour, and consequently the importance of the issue at hand can soon become secondary. This gives rise to some very acidic exchanges between them, although during them, we are never left in any doubt of their love for eachother.
        However, during the course of the series, her emotions are truly put through the mangle. We are left to wonder, how long will she continue to stand by Jazz?

MIKE
Jazz's best friend. They go all the way back to their first days at school. He married quite young to a girl about whom all his friends - including Jazz - were less than complimentary. Before long, so was he. The marriage was all the more surprising because Mike has always been a bit of a fly-boy. His success with women is legendary, though Jazz ran him a very close second in his younger days.
        In many respects, Mike is very much the person Jazz used to be before he settled down, and is generally very irresponsible (though for different reasons to Jazz), and perhaps this is the reason why Annette cannot abide him. If the truth is known, he is a bad influence on Jazz.
        He speaks with a neutral accent, and his voice reflects his happy-go-lucky, light-hearted nature.

HARRY
The local Catholic priest, although definitely like no other on Earth. He is a Jack-the-lad Cockney. Other than this, nothing needs to be said about him, since he will describe himself more than adequately in episode one.

LESLEY
Serves at Jazz's new local pub, The Nobody Inn. He totally lacks any semblance of charm or intelligence whatsoever, and he has no concept of normal social graces. He resents his customers being in the pub, except at the precise moment they are handing over the cash for their drinks. This probably explains why there are so few of them. An obvious target for wise-cracks and wind-ups.
        He is recognisable by his very boring Birmingham accent.

SONIA
Sonia Lasagne is the uniquely energetic combination of ex-international gymnast and 'Page Three Dish of the Year'. She is an incorrigible nymphomaniac for which she is ideally equipped with her supremely developed body and mind-boggling agility. Needless to say, she is very forward, and just like the rather corny paragraph on page three, innuendo abounds in her words.
        Her career has made her one of the nouveau-riche and, accordingly, the neutral accent in which she has taught herself to speak should occasionally betray her working-class roots (a bit like Linda Lusardi).

SHARON
She is Jazz's new secretary, but is about as suited to her job as Harry is to his. She is only sixteen, and is best described as a typical bimbo. On second thoughts, delete the word 'typical' - that would be far too insulting to all the other bimboes on Earth! She is stupid with a capital S.
        She was given her job for two reasons. Firstly, she is on the Youth Training Scheme and is therefore cheap to employ. Secondly, Jazz fancied her something rotten, despite all her glaring faults. Now everyone - including Jazz - is having to suffer because of his irresponsibility.
        She has a very girlish giggle.

HENDERSON
Jazz's unfortunate, middle-aged boss, in overall charge of British Telecom's Customer Relations Department. He has been dealt two severe blows since he was appointed - the powers that be decided to employ Jazz, and Jazz, in his turn, recruited Sharon
        Most of his lines are delivered in his characteristically droll melancholia, although he does sometimes peak into blustering outbursts in mid-speech. He has a neutral accent, and his voice is quite deep, which aids his projection.

MRS TURNER
Jazz's mother-in-law. Pompous, overbearing and snobbish, although she has nothing to be snobbish about. She has no time at all for Jazz, and the feeling is mutual - he refers to her ET (after her initials) or the The Alien
        The quality of her voice and manner of her speech should reflect her character.

GUARD
The guard on a British Rail train. He is quite officious, which comes across in the manner he speaks to Jazz. He doesn't suffer fools gladly and tends to be facetious most of the time, but because he has been to British Rail's charm school, he politely drops the word 'sir' into his sentences at every possible opportunity, even when he is insulting Jazz.

MAJOR
Major Disney - the rank is assumed - is the eccentric chap who is responsible for running a training course. His mind has been unable to come to terms with being kicked out of the army - he still feels the need to prove himself as a soldier - and, consequently, military methods pervade all his ideas.
        The major is a zealot and, in keeping in this, a totally over-the-top, rapid-fire delivery is required. However, he should still manage to retain a military air.

ASSISTANT
A girl who reluctantly has to help Jazz. She is bone-idle and would rather read a book than help with enquiries. Her voice betrays her total lack of interest in her job, and she also sounds as though she is barely in touch with the real world.

REMOVER
A bit-part character in episode one, who speaks with a not-too-strong South London accent.

HUSBAND
A bit-part character who appears in episode one only, who should be played with a slightly religious inclination.

STATION ANNOUNCER
He makes the announcements at Jazz's local railway station, but unlike most people in his job, he is totally intelligible over the tannoy.

POLICEMAN
This character is the complete opposite to the typical fascist pig caricature that appears in many sitcoms. He is barely eighteen and a total wimp. He tries - without success - to hide this by pretending he is 'hard', and, in keeping with the image he is failing to project, constantly spurts forth outrageously right-wing comments. However, we are never left in any doubt that there is no conviction in his lines - his voice only serves to make these sound totally ridiculous. He is over-fond of calling every one 'sonny', and he over-emphasises the word each time in a vain attempt to give it impact.

STARLINE
This is one of those pre-recorded astrological prediction services which you can telephone. The voice is female and the delivery is bright and breezy, despite it's doom-laden message.

PETER DOLE
Lesley's brother-in-law, who owns an insurance company. He clearly has a high - if misplaced - opinion of himself, and his voice should reflect his character.

CUSTOMER
Customer is not really the right word to use in describing this character, since, in five short words, she makes it quite clear that she has no desire to be a customer at all.

WAITER
He serves in the local, rather down-market, Italian restaurant, but his dialogue is full of French expressions. A none-too-convincing French accent is required.

TRAMP
He is an old man who has finally hit rock bottom. However, despite his lowly social status, he is eventually revealed to be quite a sage. This begs the question, how has he ended up like this? The answer is simple. He learned his wisdom from his errors, but, for him, it is too late to rectify them.

PAPARAZZO
He is one of a crowd of celebrity-seeking press photographers who descend upon the restaurant.

FROBISHER
She is the Major's second-in-command, and speaks in a characteristically-clipped military style.

MOANING WOMAN
Given the circumstances in which she appears, this character has every justification for moaning.

MYSTERY CALLER
Another female character who has a single line to deliver via the telephone in a somewhat intoxicated manner.